I'm just not exactly sure what.
I got a clue, though, while I was drawing in one of my favorite places in the world:
Aptly and justly nicknamed Jewel of the Finger Lakes.
Anyway, I found myself not doing the work to actually look at things, work with them, be with them, create them as living as I could on the page. I was taking shortcuts.
On one drawing I actually scrawled: "Lazy!"
As a description of myself.
I don't recommend name-calling as part of one's self-talk repertoire, but there it is. It happens.
I felt BORED.
I seldom feel bored.
But again, there it is. It happens.
I think boredom - or at least, my boredom - is a sign of emotional exhaustion. It becomes difficult to care, so you don't. And because you don't care, you don't pay attention, and the world of beautiful gesture, color and detail no longer reveals itself to you.
If I'm emotionally, mentally, physically exhausted, it means I need to rest.
I might have to step back, rethink some things, get a new perspective.
The next day I looked at this maple seed and it was beautiful:
So I spent some time with it, immersing myself in its gradations of color, its subtle undulations, its presence, weight and weightlessness.
That felt good.